Your Response: When God Doesn’t Come Through

It had been over a year and a half of constant studying and taking tests. Within that time, I had spent a little over $5,000 paying for classes, study materials, exam fees, application fees and registration fees in hopes of passing the CPA (Certified Public Accounting) exam. Back in college, it was heavily taught that being a CPA was the way. If you wanted to make it as an accountant or auditor, the certification was a must. There was literally a professor who basically told a classmate of mine that if she decided against becoming certified, there would be no hope of her making it as an accountant. As a student with the desire to be an accountant, that’s depressing to hear and the fear of “not making it” becomes the driving force of becoming CPA certified.

Once I entered my career as an auditor, the push toward CPA certification didn’t ease up. I’d say, the pressure intensified to a certain degree. Now I was surrounded by CPA’s and those who were studying and passing sections of the exam. The exam had 4 sections which included FAR, BEC, REG, and TAX. You had a time frame of 18 months to complete all sections of the exam to become certified. Every time someone passed a section, the managers in our office would make an announcement congratulating the individual.

Well, I was now on my last chance to pass at least one of the sections before my study course subscription ran out. By this time, I had devoted countless hours of studying, spent tons of money, and gave up having a life but I still hadn’t passed one section of the CPA exam during the entire 18 months of my devotion. This was my 8th attempt and for some reason, for this last exam, I felt confident that I was going to pass. I told myself that it was going to be the game changer. I also thought that because I sought after God during the preparation of this last attempt, He was going to see to it that I passed. Boy was I wrong!

I can remember waking up about 5:00 in the morning going online to view my score before I got ready to go to work and I had made a 70. I needed a score of 75 to pass. In that moment, As the tears swelled up in my eyes God simply asked me, “What will be your response to this outcome?” Instead of calling out of work that day and curling back into the bed, I turned on worship music. Tye Tribbett’s “You are good” to be exact. I kept playing it over and over again until I started to believe and vocally declare that He was good. I repeatedly chanted, “He’s still good! God you’re still worthy to be praised! God, I still love you!”. I started off low but quickly increased in volume to the point that I was crying out. My heart was crying out to Him. I was no longer crying out of pity but I was crying out of praise and adoration. As instructed in Psalms 47:1,

“Clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with a voice of triumph.”,

I clapped my hands and paced around my room while declaring who He was and how great He was. I spoke to Him in a way that captured His attention and I quickly found myself overcome by His presence.

In the past, whenever I failed a section of the test, I’d get really upset and a few times, I’d work myself up so much that I’d go into really scary panic attacks. The pressure to succeed was just that stressful. The return on my investment of daily studying wasn’t yielding any positive results. Not to mention all the money I felt I was just throwing down the drain. I didn’t really concentrate on God still being a good God at those times.

However, on the morning I received my score for the final test I took, I made up my mind that God was worthy regardless. His goodness is not dependent on an outcome. Therefore, in all circumstances, He is still mighty to be praised. In that moment, I lived what it meant to say that, “I will bless the Lord at all times and his praise will continually be in my mouth” Psalms 34:1. Shortly after my exaltation of Him, I realized that I had not passed the CPA test but I passed THE test. The test God laid before me. And that test was, my response. I can recall Him saying,

“If I don’t bring you out, am I still able? If I don’t give you what you have asked for, am I still good? If I don’t answer, am I still worthy? If you lose it all, am I still your everything? If things don’t work out, am I still faithful? Shouldn’t faith be built on believing and trusting in my will which will work every and anything out for your good? For only I know the plans I have set in place for you. I am in Control. Be still. And know that I am God (Psalms 46:10). I am Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End (Revelation 22:13).”

I don’t discourage others from trying the CPA exam. In fact, I encourage all who are in the field of Accounting or Auditing to give it a shot. It was just not the path God set in place for me at the time.

Additionally, I only pushed toward that goal of obtaining CPA certification out of fear. The fear of not being somebody in the accounting world. Fear of looking like a failure to my colleagues. Fear of being looked down on or feeling less qualified than the CPA certified accountant next to me.

More importantly, I had also been in the process of buying a home and becoming certified would increase my pay, resulting in more financial stability. I felt like I NEEDED to pass the exam for the extra money. The fears drove me to spend less time with God by choosing to study exam materials over studying His word. I spent more time preparing for the exam than I did praying and communing with Him. I believe that God just needed to know that I loved Him more than a title.

A few months after the morning I received my score, out of the blue one day the head auditor called to have a mandatory surprise meeting. He sat us all down in the conference room and stated that we would all be receiving a 10% increase in yearly pay. At that moment, I thought about the financial concerns I had and I gasped in amazement because this increase in pay would be well over double the increase amount I would have received if I passed the CPA exam.

To this, I heard God say again, “What is your response?” After the meeting, I went to a bathroom stall and I praised and thanked Him for coming through for me when I least expected it. How silly of me to believe that my Heavenly Father would go back on His word of supplying all of my needs. How ridiculous I appeared by surrendering to fear and not God’s power. And how juvenile I once was when I refrained from acknowledging Him, whenever my exact expectations of His performance fell short.

I challenge you to check your response in all things, because God is worthy REGARDLESS. You may not have all of what you want or may think you need at this given moment, but if you have God, you have all you need.