God’s Saving Grace

For a long time, I didn’t see God as a loving God. I viewed God more as a harsh God. My fear of Him was not out of reverence but it was more so out of the thought of not wanting to go to hell.

I had this impression that there was no room for error, because God was just waiting for the chance to mark my fate as eternal damnation for any sin I commit.

I didn’t fully understand how His love for me was so deep, that He desired to be reconciled with me. That part, I just couldn’t seem to fathom. I guess you could say I viewed myself more as a burden to Him.

And right here, I just want to stop and plug in the truth that God’s love for you is deep and He desires to be reconciled with you. There is nothing in this world …and I repeat NOTHING in this world that you could ever do that would make this statement untrue. Romans 5:8 says,

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 (NKJV)

He loved YOU so much that He was willing to let His Son die for your past, present, and future sins. All because He desired to have a relationship with you.

What I know now that I was unaware of then, is that the break down was not only in my improper view of who God was. It was also in part due to me not seeing myself as worthy to be loved. Deep down, I struggled with feeling worthless and feeling as though I was not good enough. Therefore, I would compensate that feeling by making every effort to either prove or make myself good enough. In both the spiritual and natural sense.

My struggle with God accepting me as worthy played out in my need for others to accept me as worthy. It’s by no accident how our natural struggles are a reflection of our spiritual struggles.

Driven by my need to compensate for my flawed thinking, I developed a false worked-based theology. Meaning, if I did everything right, then I’d be good enough. And if I was good enough, then I’d be accepted as worthy.

In trying to live up to the idea of making myself worthy, I had also viewed others through the lens I viewed myself. So when others fell short, I took on a self-righteous mindset and would judge them in secret.  All the while not realizing my on sin of self-righteousness.

And for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why those same individuals would receive certain things that I wasn’t receiving. I was the one praying. In my eyes, I was the one trying to do things the right way but my prayers seemed to go unanswered. I often questioned God, “Have I not proven myself worthy enough?”

It seemed so unfair.

When I reached the end of my rope of proving myself to God, I thought that if things appear to work out for others as they lived the lives they wanted to live; why wouldn’t it work for me?

Everybody talked about the thing called “grace”. Grace covers us for when we mess up. I figured, if there was enough grace for everyone else to make mistakes, why wouldn’t there be enough for me? Paul stated the following about grace:

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” – Romans 6:1-2 (NIV)

What I misunderstood about the essence of grace was, it’s not given to us in increasing measure to willfully do what we want. But it’s there as an aid for when we fall short of God’s standard of perfection.

Nevertheless, I was young. I wanted to experience life like how I believed others my age was. I foolishly thought “How can I learn if I don’t make stupid mistakes?” and “Why not allow myself to make willful “mistakes” and have those willful “mistakes” sort themselves out as life comes.”

I called it, “just living”. Not thinking about consequences beforehand, suppressing judgment calls, and ignoring that little voice deep inside of me. No longer living on eggshells but being free to JUST LIVE!!!

Over time, I came to see that the very thing I thought would free me actually constrained me. Freeing my mind from consequences or the thoughts of how my actions displeased God, took deliberate attempts at overturning my convictions. Before long, peace was nowhere to be found and joy was lost somewhere in the wind.

True peace and joy are not found absent of Christ. True joy is a result of abiding in Jesus Christ and abiding in His love for us. Abiding in Christ’s love toward us results in our yearning to please Him, by doing the right thing and remaining within God’s will for our lives (John 15: 1-11).

In remaining in God’s will for our lives, our central focus is the Lord. Isaiah 26:3 says,

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” – Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV)

So, when our mind is fixated on the Lord, and our trust is in who He is, then and ONLY then can we have peace.

When I eventually saw that “just living” wasn’t really a life worth living; I discovered that sweet middle ground between grace and perfection. That sweet middle ground was establishing a true relationship with Christ stemming from true love and adoration of Christ.

“For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)

Due to our sinful nature, we ourselves are imperfect for a perfect God. In sin, we stand disconnected from Him. And in being apart from God is death. But God loved us so much that He desired to be connected back to us. In the offering of His Son Jesus Christ, God’s unmerited favor of grace was given. And by that, we can be reconciled back to God.

All along, I didn’t understand the irony behind it all. I was completely correct about one thing, and that was of me being unworthy. No, I in and of myself was not and am not worthy. But contrary to what I had for so long believed about God, in His sovereignty, He CHOSE to love me. In His love for me, He desired to be reconciled with me. And through that desire to be reconciled, He CHOSE to deem me as worth being saved.

You and I are loved and counted as worth it, simply because God CHOSE to deem us as such!

When we fully understand the depth of God’s love for us and Jesus Christ’s sacrifice, it becomes easier to love and adore Christ. And in that love and adoration of Him, profess and respect Him as Lord.

I no longer do things to prove my worth but I do them out of my respect for Him. Respect that is no longer out of fear of eternal damnation but a respect built from love and admiration.

Truth is, we WILL fall short! We CAN’T do all things right in this life but Christ’s sacrifice made up for those short comings.

You may feel unworthy, unloved, unvalued, or not good enough. But contrary to your feelings, in God’s sovereignty, He CHOSE to love you! And in His love for you, He desired to be reconciled with you. And through that desire to be reconciled, He CHOSE to deem you as worth being saved through His Son Jesus Christ. And my friend, in your understanding and acceptance of that truth is where grace resides.