The God Who Sees Me
I was among new friends and I could feel the pressure building up within me. They were all overjoyed with excitement and I was trying to catch my breath from the news I’d just heard. In the midst of trying to gather myself, I let out a faint, “Oh, wow. That’s awesome for her.”
And it was in fact awesome. My new friend scoring the opportunity was great news. I was happy for her but at the same time disappointed for myself because honestly, I wanted that opportunity. As everyone celebrated her in her absence and talked about the future possibilities this opportunity could bring, I sat quietly, overtaken by discouragement.
Since my chance with this opportunity fell through, I didn’t know when I’d ever receive another. Surely the God who knows all knew I desperately desired this and to see it handed to someone else was gut-wrenching. Feeling unseen by man throughout the process was a struggle of mine. And now, with me being denied this opportunity, I felt like I’d also been unseen by God.
Sitting there with a slight grin on my face, I kept my composure. I tried so very hard not to come undone in their presence; my mind dead set on saving my tears for the car ride home. No one really seemed to notice in the moment how the news impacted me.
Given in to despondency, I desperately wanted to escape the moment. Hanging my head low to gather my belongings to leave, I reached for my phone. Upon picking it up, I received an incoming text message. I won’t go into what all the text said but the text was a slight glimmer of hope of a new possible opportunity.
El Roi – The God Who Sees Me
The perfect timing of that text message and its content brought to mind the account of Hagar. She was the pregnant maidservant who had been terribly mistreated by Abram’s wife Sarai, after treating Sarai with contempt. Although Hagar’s contempt was unjustifiable, I can imagine she may have been a little taken back by how things turned out. And I’d say rightfully so given Sarai devised the plan for Hagar to become pregnant by Abram, in high hopes of providing Abram the opportunity to experience God’s promise (yes, drama at its finest!). None of this would have happened if not for Sarai’s unwise decision.
Caught in the middle of a plan that seems to have backfired, in Hagar’s distress, she may have felt unseen and uncared for. And Hagar, now pregnant, runs away to escape Sarai’s mistreatment. The angel of the Lord saw Hagar in her time of distress and found Hagar at her place of escape. After inquiring her wearabouts, He gave her a favorable promise in light of the messy situation she was in (Genesis 16:10-12). Because of this,
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” – Genesis 16:13 (NIV)
Grant it, my situation wasn’t nearly as complicated as Hagar’s but I could empathize with her perhaps feeling unseen. Furthermore, I understand how distress can cause us to feel the need to escape. The grief, troubles, and disappointments we encounter in life are moments in time I believe we’d all like to bypass. However, that’s not the life Christ promised us (John 16:33).
I also know that at times knowing Christ hasn’t promised us an easy life, doesn’t negate our tendency to try to desperately reason or understand why we’re going through what we’re going through. Sometimes our belief becomes,
“If God truly did see what I am going through, He’d somehow keep or save me from it.”
But this thought is contrary to what we see in scripture.
The character of the God who sees is shown by the angel of the Lord sending Hagar back to Sarai—her place of misery (Genesis 16:9)!
Let me be clear. I do not believe Hagar’s account condones staying in a hostile or abusive situation. Taking a deeper look into Hagar’s situation, it’s revealed that her place of escape—a spring in the wilderness on the way to Shur—was in route toward her native land Egypt (Genesis 16:7). Egypt—the pagan nation filled with idol worship and no reverence to the true God. Additionally, Hagar taking refuge in a desert while pregnant with no provision or protection made her and her unborn child susceptible to death. With Sarai, Hagar endured an unfavorable situation but her decision to run away turned it into a deadly situation. That is, spiritually and physically speaking.
Now, I humbly submit to not knowing or fully understanding the “why” behind God’s decision to tell Hagar to return. I merely conclude that these specifics existed and from my finite understanding, are reasonable reasons to “why”.
However, the just of it is, God in His perfect wisdom didn’t help Hagar in the way most of us thinks He would but He saw her and being seen by God was enough for Hagar. And my fellow believer, being seen by God is sufficient for us as well.
It’s a good feeling to feel seen by others in our moments of distress but I’ve come to understand it’s even better to feel seen by God.
When He sees us, He cares enough to govern our well-being. There can be some solace in knowing that He’s keeping us in unfavorable situations for reasons far beyond our limited understanding. All He desires from us in those moments is for us to get to know and trust Him in it. What causes our distress can be so very painful but it’s comforting to know He meets us in our distress. There’s absolutely no longing, suffering, or sorrow too great for Christ to extend comfort and grace to endure.
Of course, the God who saw my need for a savior hadn’t turned a blind eye to my current despair. Marred by sin and eternally cut off from God; Christ Jesus loved me so, that thousands of years ago He gave His own life in order that I may live. Scripture lets me know that for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame (Hebrews 12:2). And what was that joy that awaited Him? The joy Christ hoped for was the joy of my redemption and reconciliation to God. The joy of being my gateway to glory. God has always seen me and He will continue to forever see me.
Driving down the winding backroads headed toward home, I meditated on this. And for the record, I did shed a few tears but they were tears of gratitude. Through that timely text message, God graciously reminded me that He is El Roi—the God who sees me.
I wasn’t at all certain of how the situation would turn out after receiving the text. I had no clue that yet again, things wouldn’t work out in the way I’d hope, but it was just a great feeling to feel seen by God during my moment of distress. And to know that He is El Roi, the God who sees me.
